Not one of my brightest moments…

Like my sister Layla has told in our first book ‘The Vampyre Memoirs – Bohemian Rhapsodies’ our siblings ultimately agreed with her idea to tell Amy some of our most memorable experiences of our lives among humans, which is then published. Considering she was the one who came up with this slightly dangerous proposal, Layla approved to be the first telling her memories. The one she has had an urge to tell required me to tell a little in addition to her missing years.

It was then one of those days I turned up at Amy’s place in order for her to put down what I memorise. I brought one of her favourite coffee drinks of an infamous coffee shop. Vegan and soy-free, of course. As soon she opened the door, her eyes were blank and she was shaking. My initial joy to spend another interesting and fruitful time with her vanished in an instant, my face froze.

“What happened, Amy?” I enquired concerned.

She could hardly say a word as tears came to the surface of her eyes, but she held an apparent upsetting letter in her, causing her the sudden distress. It was a letter of the Jobcentre, inquiring further details and more information, alleging she would have given faulty information and had moved without their consent as well as an appointment for an interview of an unsuitable job for her.

“But they already have all those information they are asking for, right?” I asked.

Amy nodded quietly.

“And why do they want you to work as a navvy to scan documents all day? You are more than overqualified for that kind of work, moreover, did you not mention they have a sick note from you?” I enquired further confused.

“They have. This is, once again, harassment. That kind of job is more suitable for someone who is just studying and looking to work a little on the side or for someone who has no finished education. They threaten to cut my funds within a fortnight if I weren’t complying, even though they have my sick note. They keep on doing these things to people who have honestly provided all documentation and all sorts of letters. Of course, they have to double check in some cases, but they always seem to be obsessed to find something hidden in a file in order to create a problem where there is none. Which, in turn, has quite an impact on the person they are addressing. I fear not to be able to pay my rent and not to have any funds to buy some food,” Amy panicked.

“Give me the address, I will sort this one out. Right now,” I offered without any hesitation.

“They have office times, they may not let you in,” Amy warned me.

“Don’t you worry, they will let me in and I will make sure I will be heard,” I assured her.

With the letter and thus with the address in my hands, I was directly on the way to the Jobcentre in question. As Amy assumed, the doors were closed, but I noticed there were people in that building, i.e., someone was definitely there. I knocked on the door until a security guard answered it.

“Open hours are over, you need to come back next week,” he ordered me.

Shame on him, I made direct eye contact with him in order to bedazzle him.

“I do have an appointment and you do need to let me in,” I planted in his thoughts.

Without much hesitation, he opened the door. He was even polite and helpful enough to suggest where to find the office of the person I had to talk to. My way led into a large office area with several people sitting lazily behind their desks, sipping coffee and staring at funny cat videos on the internet. No one seemed to notice I entered the place.

I took a sheet of paper into my hands and focused on it. Then I tossed it into the air. With a huge angle like of a boomerang, it cut the throats of the clerks. It left a nice interesting art of blood traces on the walls. One clerk was left untouched by the paper sheet. I admit this was definitely none of brightest moments, a shallow one even. But sometimes, I do not want to suppress my impulses.

“I assume I have gathered your attention,” I smiled slyly.

The clerk looked around in shock, jumped up in panic and as he was about to hit an alarm button, I already stood directly in front of his desk. “I would not advise you to do that if I were you. We have unfinished business. Sit down calmly and listen,” I bedazzled him.

In slow movements, he sat down in his chair.

“Thank you very much for your collaboration,” I smirked.

I handed him the letter Amy was sent and asked him to pull up the regarding file for her. A few seconds later, Amy’s file was on his screen.

“You can rest assured that you can uncheck the current enquiry for even more documentation. She has neither moved,” I told him briefly.

“But I need some more proof,” he countered.

“I am sure you have all the information needed, check her details again,” I advised him with a deep look into his eyes.

“You are right, I have all information I need right here,” he said surprised.

“See, there is nothing else you need of her. Oh and just one more matter: please make sure that all further additional payments for any other circumstance will be made available for her,” I asked him confronting.

A few clicks later the clerk nodded. “All additional payments are made available for her.”

“Fantastic. You would only have to add a note, that her file needs no further revision for let’s say the next hundred years,” I ordered him.

The clerk immediately made some more clicks, typed the note into the file, clicked a few more OKs and waited for me to give him further orders.

“I guess this matter is settled, have a nice day,” I smiled at him, took Amy’s letter from his desk and left the place without another trace.

Considering everyone is treated by the government as an employee, even if some or not working for the most various reasons, one should as well be paid accordingly.

– Horatio

PS: Our first book ‘The Vampyre Memoirs – Bohemian Rhapsodies’ is now available at Amazon, at Blurb also as a special hardcover version, CreateSpace and as an ebook version at your Kindle store or directly at Smashwords.

The Vampyre Memoirs - Bohemian Rhapsodies
The Vampyre Memoirs – Bohemian Rhapsodies

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